Steve Chatterton
Will Write for Food

642 Things #1 – In a Second

April 1st, 2014 by Steve

642 Things to Write About

Lots of things can happen in just a single second.

You can inhale, you can exhale, or you could simply hold your breath. Your heart will most likely beat at least once. You could scratch your head, or blow your nose. You could take a second look.

You could blink, you could wink, or you could wink while clucking your tongue twice in rapid succession out the side of your mouth. A second is all it takes.

The person winked at with a side-mouth double tongue-cluck also has several options, many of which are doable in the span of a second. These include – but are not limited to – smiling at you, slapping your face, pretending to look elsewhere (perhaps to save you the embarrassment), tossing a drink in your face, kneeing you in the groin, turning completely around and walking away, or saying “Hi!” There’s only one way to find out what they’d do.

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642 Things to Write About

March 30th, 2014 by Steve

642 Things to Write About

So my wife went book shopping today (Yea!) and brought this, 642 Things to Write About, home for me (Yea!).

I didn’t even know this book existed, but now I’m excited to get working on it. The book is a series of writing prompts to get you trying new things in your writing, pushing you in strange, new directions you may have never considered going.

Prompts include things like:

  • Study a stranger. Go home and write a tragedy about his or her mother.
     
  • Five things that always get you in trouble.
     
  • Write down everything you can remember about your algebra teacher.
     
  • Why do you like those shoes?

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Mom’s Eulogy

March 30th, 2014 by Steve

My mother passed recently, and I found myself doing the graveside eulogy at the funeral.

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An Open Letter to Boreas, God of the North Wind

February 25th, 2014 by Steve

BoreasDear Boreas, venerated Greek god of the cold north wind and the bringer of winter,

Enough already. We get it; you’re a god, we’re puny, insignificant mortals. You’ve proven your point ad nauseam this year. You’ve caused snow to fall in almost every part of Canada and the US this winter, and I’m pretty sure you’re responsible for all the ice that seems to have a death grip on the sidewalks around here. You’ve really outdone yourself this time. Might I suggest you knock off early and put your feet up for a bit.

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Parental Veto Power

February 13th, 2014 by Steve

bill

Thanks to the American sitcom How I Met Your Mother, I had to sit through Bon Jovi’s “You Give Love a Bad Name” when it came on the car radio the other morning. The kids immediately recognized it as the first tune on Barney Stinson’s “Get Psyched” mix (from the episode “The Limo”), and they outvoted me when I tried to find a new station. Democracy sucks, but I believe in using my veto power judiciously.

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