Dear Richard(s),

I received an email yesterday from someone who was less than thrilled about the video for my new song “You Chose to be a Dick,” and I thought I should take a quick moment to clarify things a bit.

The email was written by someone who went back to using Richard because he got sick of the jokes being made at his expense going by “Dick.” For those who aren’t in the know (I’m hoping there are also non-anglophones dropping by the site on occasion), these days most of the English-speaking world uses the term “dick” as a synonym for words like jerk (”Stop being such a dick!”) or as slang for the penis.

To clear things up, I by no means meant to imply that Richards who chose to go by Dick are being dicks. I was using a poetic devise known as turning a phrase that songwriters employ to give a common part of speech a new meaning. It’s not often used to turn a metaphor back into the literal meaning, but that’s the choice I made.

I wrote the song because I’m confused why Dicks chose to stick to their guns when it’s quite obvious the majority of people are snickering behind their backs. I’m not justifying the snickering, I’m just acknowledging that it exists. Yes, it might be juvenile and immature, but so is much of our contemporary culture. Get over it.

Language evolves constantly; always has, always will. That’s why kids today have such a hard time with Shakespeare & most teachers have given up on Chaucer. Several centuries ago Hick was also a common nickname for Richard (web citation, for what it’s worth). It rhymed with Rick, the preferred short form of Richard, as did Dick, and at that point in history it had yet to become synonymous with “illiterate, inbred, backwoods bumpkin” as it has today. Is it just a coincidence that once the negative associations became common that the name fell into disuse?

Just like Dicks who seem blissfully ignorant of the evolution of the language, I too intend to stick by my guns when it comes to the song. A simple examination of the lyrics will clearly show that I am not denigrating or demeaning anyone who has made that choice, I’m merely wondering why they’ve made that particular choice.

There’s a conscious reason why I reinforce the rhyme scheme with charming antiquated terms like “pogo stick.” When was the last time kids wanted to bounce on a pogo stick? Probably the last time kids named Richard weren’t embarrassed by their parents calling them Dick in public.

If I’ve personally offended anyone from any walk of life or made anyone feel as if this is a personal attack I most humbly apologize. Honestly, that’s not the person I want to be. But if you can’t see where I’m coming from after taking the whole minute it takes to listen to the song, as well as any additional time that might be required to read the lyrics and the above explanation, there’s very likely no chance we’re going to see eye-to-eye on this one. Hopefully we can see past this difference of opinion.