An Oyster Virgin No Longer

Oysters have long been reported to have aphrodisiac qualities. I had always attributed this to the fact that once you’re willing to put something like that into your mouth, anything else is fair game.

Up until this week, I had yet to pluck up the courage to put anything alive & slimy in my mouth, but I ended up being taken to one of Toronto’s finest oyster houses the other night, and I have to say, I’m thoroughly undecided on the whole issue.

My friend Darrin asked me out to a Marlies game on Wednesday, but due to a power outage, we ended up having to make alternate plans. The alternate plans turned out to be oysters. I guess if you can’t watch hockey pucks, you should go eat ocean pucks.

It was a truly bizarro experience. First off, I passed on all the sauces I was offered, opting instead for a few lemon drops. That’s the same way I like do consume fish & chips, so I decided to go for it. When I was a caffeine addict, I took my coffee black and my tea clear, so I figured I may as well try to enjoy the oysters in their purest form.

In the end, I survived, although I’ve spent a couple of days wondering when the poison kicks in. I also spent a good period of time trying to imagine how someone figured out there was something edible inside those rocks. I’m not at all sure it was a pleasurable experience. Sure, a couple of pints of Guinness made it enjoyable, but they tend to have the ability to help you gloss over most things. I can tell you this much, I didn’t feel any aphrodisiac at work in my body, but that’s a good thing. Darrin’s not exactly my type, and I’m happy about that. If that weren’t the case, I’m sure my wife would’ve killed me long ago.